James and I met back in 2013, and while raising a family was something we occasionally mentioned in passing, it wasn’t something we truly sat down to plan at first. After we married in 2016, our conversations about having children became more intentional, though there was never any immediate pressure. As a same-sex couple, we also felt unsure about where to begin or what options were realistically available to us. Over the following years, those conversations deepened, and in 2018—after speaking with several same-sex adoptive families—we both knew adoption was the path to parenthood we wanted to pursue.
Our first step was an interview with one of London’s leading adoption agencies. Unfortunately, the experience was disheartening. The Social Worker was cold and impersonal, which caught us completely off guard and left us feeling discouraged about continuing with that agency. After taking some time to regroup, we did further research and discovered a local agency that invited us to an information evening, giving us renewed hope.
Walking into that summer event, we were surrounded by people from all walks of life. For several hours, we listened as the agency spoke candidly about the realities of adoption. Hearing about the neglect, trauma, and abuse many children had endured before being removed from their birth families was heartbreaking. Despite how difficult it was to absorb, the honesty only strengthened our resolve. We left that evening certain we wanted to continue our journey with this agency.
Adoption in the UK differs from the process in many other countries. To begin, we submitted a formal Registration of Interest, officially committing to adopting through our chosen agency. Stage One began in September 2018 and involved completing a detailed 60-page booklet outlining our family history, upbringing, values, relationships, and life experiences. We also underwent medical assessments, a required step for all prospective adopters.
After completing Stage One, we moved into Stage Two—the most intensive part of the process. This involved multiple in-home assessments with our Social Worker, covering everything from our childhoods and schooling to relationships and how we had been parented ourselves. Over several months, sessions often lasted up to three hours. Some conversations were incredibly emotional as we revisited painful memories, but we understood how vital it was to be open and honest.
Alongside these assessments, we attended three days of mandatory training. The sessions were incredibly thorough and focused heavily on the emotional needs of children entering their forever homes. Hearing about how children might feel during those early days was extremely tough, but it reaffirmed our commitment. We knew adoption was what we wanted, and nothing was going to deter us.
In October 2019, we attended our approval panel. Sitting before a group of foster carers, social workers, medical advisors, adopters, and adoptees was intimidating. They reviewed our Prospective Adopters Report and asked us more questions than we anticipated, but we were prepared. Waiting alone while they deliberated felt endless. When the chairperson finally returned and told us we’d been unanimously approved, it felt surreal. More than a year of preparation had led us to this moment—we could finally look for our son.
Soon after, we gained access to a database of children awaiting adoption. Seeing how many children in the UK needed permanent homes was devastating. It was impossible not to feel drawn to so many faces, but we knew matching wasn’t about emotion alone. We carefully considered each child’s background, needs, and experiences, including the impact of trauma and abuse. There were weeks of silence at times, which was incredibly hard after such an intense process, but we remained hopeful and resilient.
Then one day, we saw his profile—a little boy with the most infectious smile. He seemed happy, playful, and full of life. We studied his profile carefully and contacted his Social Worker to express our interest. After what felt like an eternity, we learned we’d been shortlisted. Weeks later, we received the news we’d been praying for: we were chosen as the preferred prospective adopters. A meeting was scheduled with his Social Worker and others involved—on Friday the 13th. Unlucky for some, but incredibly lucky for us.
With Christmas approaching, hope filled our home. We prepared a festive lunch and made sure everything was perfect. The meeting lasted hours, during which we shared why we felt we were the right family for Little Man. When our Social Worker later told us the team loved us, we felt immense relief—though we knew there was still a long road ahead.
In the New Year, arrangements were made for us to meet Little Man and his foster carers. When the day finally arrived, our nerves were overwhelming. Every possible emotion ran through us. Would he like us? Would he feel safe? Almost immediately, we saw he was overwhelmed, but within minutes he was playing happily. We took things slowly, and before long, he invited us to play. Leaving him that day was emotional, but over the following weeks, each visit strengthened our bond as he began running toward us with open arms.
March 2020 arrived, along with devastating news. On the very day of our matching panel, we learned a legal challenge had been made by his birth parents. Then the pandemic hit, plunging the UK into lockdown. Courts closed, and we faced a painful three-month wait. Those months were the hardest of our lives. Our mental health suffered, and the uncertainty was overwhelming.
When the court finally ruled in our favor, preparations resumed, though cautiously due to COVID-19. Introductions were carefully planned, involving days with foster carers and days at home. Though the transition wasn’t without challenges, including moments of deep anxiety and heartbreak, we worked closely with professionals to support Little Man through it.
Finally, the day came for him to come home forever. Watching him explore his new home, meet Ralph the Dachshund, and settle into family life was indescribable. Lockdown meant quieter days, but we cherished every moment together. Over time, he met family members and thrived in their love.
Now, eight months on, Little Man has settled beautifully. He’s grown in confidence, language, and independence. We’re endlessly proud of him. As a same-sex family, we’ve felt nothing but support, and we’re passionate about sharing our story to educate and raise awareness about adoption.
Our journey hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth every step. If our story helps even one family, we’re proud to share it.
Wanted. Chosen. Loved. Adopted.
