“There is not a day that goes by that I don’t pray for you and thank God for you being exactly what Elias needed. I was capable of giving him a good life, but you’ve given him his BEST life. Though it will always be bittersweet, I will never stop being thankful. Thank you for being an answered prayer in my life.”
These are the words every adoptive parent hopes to hear from a birth mother—the words we dream of when starting the long, emotional, and often expensive journey toward adoption. Every adoption story is unique, filled with highs and lows, moments of hope, and periods of waiting that test your patience and faith. During our own two-year journey, we clung to one truth: trust the process, keep the faith, and God will guide you. And this could not have been more accurate.
Adoption is woven into the fabric of our family. We are no strangers to the process, having welcomed five siblings through adoption before. Over the years, Brittany had been deeply involved in adopting two brothers and two sisters, long before she left home for college and eventually married me. From the very beginning of our marriage, we knew that if the opportunity to adopt presented itself, we wanted to pursue it. In 2019, we felt that moment had arrived.
Brittany’s youngest sister had tragically passed a few years earlier, and we felt as though she was guiding us toward this next step. We discussed it carefully, acknowledging the financial and emotional challenges, but ultimately decided to take the leap.
Finding the right agency took time. We had a strict budget and wanted a team that felt genuine and trustworthy. After careful research, we chose an agency that met both our financial needs and our hearts. We went active immediately, and just four weeks later, we received our first phone call—we were matched with a birth mother. Excitement, fear, and overwhelming joy hit us all at once. But two weeks later, she changed her mind. That was the first of many failed matches we would face.
Over the next year and a half, we were matched eleven more times. Each match ended without adoption, leaving us to navigate a rollercoaster of emotions: excitement, grief, and discouragement. After several failed matches, doubts began to creep in. “Is this ever going to work?” we wondered. “What journey is God taking us on?” Each heartbreak weighed heavily on our hearts, and there were moments when walking away felt easier. We even considered switching agencies, but with so much invested in our current one, it felt impossible.
We paused, prayed, and took a deep breath. Brittany felt God urging her to persevere, even if it meant starting over with a new agency. In our renewed search, we came across a situation that spoke to us—a birth mother looking to place her two-year-old son. Hesitant, but hopeful, we submitted our application, fully expecting to be passed over. Weeks went by, and we assumed he had found another family.
Then, six weeks later, the call came: we had been chosen. Shock, nerves, and excitement collided. The social worker told us the birth mother wanted to speak with us. Our hearts raced. Anyone who has been through this knows how intimidating that first conversation can be. How do you speak to someone entrusting you with their child? What words can convey the depth of your love and commitment?
We had read countless stories where adoptive parents described an instant, effortless connection with the birth mother. We hadn’t felt that before—until now. The moment she spoke, everything clicked. She shared how she felt an immediate connection with our portfolio, how she knew this was right for her son. “Brittany, you were always his mommy. I was just taking care of him for the past two years until I found his forever family—and I found it,” she said. Our hearts swelled. We knew in that moment it was meant to be.
The agency asked if we could be ready to pick him up the following week. Two years of waiting were about to culminate in a whirlwind of preparation. We scrambled to gather funds, pack, arrange hotels, sign paperwork, and prepare our daughters, ages four and six, for their new brother. The love and support of our friends and family was overwhelming—they offered money, clothes, and encouragement. Without them, this miracle would not have been possible.
The night before our meeting, we drove six hours, hearts pounding with anticipation. Doubts and questions filled our minds: Will she change her mind? What will he be like? Can this truly work? The next morning, we arrived early at a park to meet the birth mother and her son. When she walked up, holding him, Brittany and she embraced, tears streaming as if reuniting after decades apart. It was surreal, overwhelming, and beautiful.
We spent hours together, sharing stories, laughter, and tears, before the birth mother had to leave. And just like that, our son was ours. The courage and love it took for her to make that selfless choice is something we will never fully comprehend. Over the next week in our hotel, we bonded with him, adjusted to our new normal, and prepared to bring him home to meet his sisters.
When we arrived home, our daughters were overjoyed to meet their new brother. The house was filled with excitement, love, and celebration. Though the first days were overwhelming, he adapted beautifully, a clear sign this was always meant to be. Six months later, our days are filled with challenges and joys alike, but the constant has been our love, presence, and commitment to him. Though he does not share our genes, we accepted the responsibility of parenthood the moment his birth mother entrusted him to us.
Our relationship with his birth mother has been a blessing. We communicate weekly, and she continues to support us, despite the grief she endures. Her messages—simple, heartfelt words of encouragement and love—remind us daily of the incredible bond we share. One day, we will share his story with him, and we welcome that moment, knowing he will grow up surrounded by love, support, and the truth of his journey.
